This is really personal to me, but I thought if anyone would understand, you would. This morning I finally attacked a duffle bag that has been sitting off to the side of my bedroom containing my husband's and my ski clothes. I kind of forgot it was even there as it almost became as a permanent fixture. It had been sitting there since we returned home from Utah after we took my oldest son, Logan, to the MTC. The day after we dropped him off, we took a day and went skiing to soothe our sorrows, I guess. The last thing we wanted to do was get in the car and make the long journey home. That would just be too depressing, so we decided to throw some fun in while we were there. I opened it up to start putting the items away and pulled out a T-shirt and tossed it in a pile. For a fleeting moment I was puzzled as to why my son’s shirt was in there . . . and then it dawned on me! I quickly snatched it back in amazement. It was Logan's shirt. The last one he was wearing before he put on his missionary suit and tie to report to the MTC. I buried my face in it and it still smelled just like him. I burst out in tears and bawled like a baby as I drank in the smell and hugged it tightly as if I were holding my boy. For a moment he felt so close, and yet so far away. I miss him so much. Just then, Cameron happened to walk by my bedroom and saw me, saw the shirt I was holding and knew exactly what was going on. He knelt down beside me on the floor and comforted me. "Silly Mommy," he said tenderly as he hugged me. He misses his brother and best friend too. Out of curiosity, he took the shirt and smelled it. As he did so, I could see he hugged it a little too. Yep, it smelled like Logan. He is doing so well on his mission and is so happy; I wouldn't have him anywhere else. But I do miss him. Don't know if I'll be able to wash that shirt now. I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who watches out for our boys, makes them into men, and then sends them back to us. They grow up so fast, don't they?It’s been a few months now and the shirt has lost its smell, but I will never forget how it made me feel and the tender moment I shared with Cameron. Several other moms responded telling me of their similar experiences. One mom shared her story, only with a scarf, and how her son was called to a different mission. He was called home, home to Heavenly Father. She treasures this scarf and still keeps it in her nightstand ready to pull out when she needs to feel close to him for a moment. It got me thinking about how powerful scents are. How smelling a familiar scent can trigger powerful feelings, emotions and memories, almost as if it takes you back to a certain place or time.
I love the smell of babies and miss being able to smell mine. How I used to love to bathe my babies and make them smell so good. Then they grow up a little. I couldn’t wait until the end of the day when my stinky boys would have to take their showers. They would have that been-playing-outside-all-day kid smell. Not too pleasant an odor, but if I catch a whiff, it reminds me of my boys when they were younger and my heart yearns. Then they grow up a little more. They start caring about how they smell and start wearing cologne to impress the “ladies.” As a Mom, I have mixed emotions about that. I mean, I’m glad they smell good, but I don’t want the cologne attracting the “ladies” like flies! Now all I can think of is that the next time I smell my boys, they will smell like men . . . and my heart will be happy to smell them again, but my heart will yearn for their childhood when they were my boys. I wonder if Cameron will accidentally leave me a little surprise treasure like that somewhere so that I can discover his smell when I’m missing him.
Mom
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